Tag Archives: satisfaction

Testing Every Shadow

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Supernova

Oh, I’m hell on wheels, in a handbasket, from the liar of a planet we call Pluto
Racing eagerly through time and space, with a stupid grin
Tripping over my feet as I travel, bouncing off Saturn’s rings and heading to the sun

Each day I step without forethought
My mouth spills words and my mind without passing through a filter
Eyes peering into every cave and shadow passing by
Only to learn after that it’s better to taunt the consequences first with bait
Before jumping into a den of lions

I step out alone and somehow, something always happens
Never serious enough to warrant a security guard
But enough for a shake of the head and a stern word
A small smile and joking-yet-serious voice that reminds me,
Every time I go out alone, something happens

But I can’t really say that’s a bad thing
Yes, tempting fate isn’t the most intelligent of life’s mottos
Yet the stories that I return home with cast humor and a way to pass the time

I know that I am loved, cared for, and that my choices will always be supported by my love, my friends, and my family
Even when those choices run the risk of broken bones or simply a crushed spirit
These are all reparable with time, time which I choose to view as never ending
I won’t live like each day is my last because it won’t be
As naive as that may sound, each day is a new opportunity, building up a step to the next day, with another exciting adventure

So no, I don’t mind my car being keyed, or stalling in the parking garage
I don’t mind feeling a little scared once in a while
Because at the closing hour of my day,
I’m home, safe and loved
Chastised or not, I make it home safe and I am forever grateful
To be so lucky and to be so blessed

Thank you all for allowing me to breathe, to run, and to play
And for being there to guide me to safe haven as dusk fades darker
For sharing in my laughter and my tears
In both, holding me close in a bond broken only through death itself

I love you.

Happy, Halted Machinery

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Slow-motion, I see my room turn sideways
Beds lie, held by unseen gravity, to walls
In a moment of disbelief, I wait until reality chooses to reveal itself
Lie silently, hands clasped upon my chest,
I feel as if to lie in a coffin of cotton sheets
In the dim moonlight peeking through the blinds,
I look beside me at the cold, untouched pillow
My fingers trace the folds in the sheet, reaching for a ghost

Finally, I have broken
Finally, I have felt the relief of a thousand tears
My face rests on a soaked cushion, and I cannot open my eyes
Bones weary as if running a machine
Finally, the muscles have given in
A rigid routine, destroyed from lack of attention
A glorious machine, with years of perfect operation
Grind with a great sigh to a halt well overdue

A sleep, so fleeting and hazy, returns to grace me
If only for a night
And amidst the tears and the maniacal laughter, I feel a comfort
My life may not fall directly within the lines of any definition
My choices may perplex all who inquire
But for once, I feel as a child

Free 

I feel content, happy
Tonight, I know I won’t feel the terrors that grip my subconscious so often
If only for tonight, I will dream
Of flowers and ponies, of carnivals and cotton candy
Relinquishing hold of all that I refused to acknowledge,

I can smile
There’s only one thing that could truly make this better
But that will come with time
I will wait for the blue gaze to share mine
But until then,
I will sleep soundly
If only for tonight

Streams Not Yet Forged

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In a ritualistic fashion, we shall all lay blame
To whatever has chosen to bring us to our final places
Where I walk today, is of no one’s fault but my own

Follow the Sun

Follow the Sun

Yet I don’t find fault in my footsteps
These feet ring with confidence, despite all that lies beneath
In a wide stride, pavement passes beneath me
Hopeful eyes seek to see just beyond the next turn
I shall never fade, I shall never stop
There will never be a total complete feeling,
Of this I have come to realize
Movement is what I was made for
Move, with the skies, with the clouds, flow across the gravel pathway
I shall carry in my current all that wishes to follow
Yet I cannot shake a boulder from its home
Despite infinite efforts, a boulder shall remain
So instead, attention is brought upon helpless pebbles,
Churning through rapids, unpredictable in speed and strength

I shall walk, I shall swim, I shall fly, I shall drive
Wherever the wind and the road has chosen to lead
I can do nothing but follow,
Pausing only to stare upon wildflowers and fields of grass
Grace a man on the side of the road, to purchase fruit
In appeasing an ever hungry appetite, and filling a man’s purse for his family
There can be no disappointment, no sorrow
There can only be discovery, experience, and learned lessons

My nightmares do not arise because of you
They do not arise because of words that he has chosen to transcribe
They do not come to mind in tune with a quietly beating heart
Instead, they rise from my imagination
From my inability to keep my eyes from the rearview mirror
These things will never leave me, of this I know
Yet, in walking farther and farther, into a sunset unknown
I feel their weight lightening, ever lightening
And in every hand I shake and every smile I give,
A purpose behind my travels begins to shine, brighter than the sun

The heavens cannot rain forever, the clouds cannot fight the wind
In time, my troubles shall fade with the weather
In postcards returned to addresses longing to be forgotten
They all will know of how far I have come,
And how far I will go

It is not only for the nightmares,
It is for the enlightenment of a life unseen
It is for the knowledge of what lies beneath stones unturned
And trees not yet climbed
Mountains not yet traversed
And streams not yet forged

I shall know this world as only I could see it
And one day, my travels will lie unfinished,
As my weary bones finally give way
To the fate that calls us all
With no tears shed, I shall lie down
And breathe a final breath of victory and satisfaction

To be Free At Last

Bluegrass Blues and Coffee

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Coffee cup to my lips
Twang of the lap guitar
Other attendees to this event tap their foot
Tap their table
There is one, an odd character, with a tight green shirt, small afro, and a woolen cap
Another, a handyman, a daily visitor, rocking his head with the beat
Small woman, sitting on a bench and smiling, a first timer to the performance
Freshly ground coffee beans, the aroma spreads
 Harmonica and drums to end the song
Applause of the light crowd fills the small store
A couple, on their first date, shy and awkward, don’t know whether to touch or stay a foot apart
I smile, with the memories of my own
Blues fade across the store
Ambience almost mesmerizing, eyes closing as the beat swallows
Float back, come to terms with my surroundings once again
On again, off again,
This heaven of coffee and electric bluegrass
I could only leave if you dragged me by the hand
Please won’t you take my hand?

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