The second step comes with a deep breath and more crossed fingers that the ground is still there
You stand tall but frightened as the bridge that got you to the first step has fallen away
Now on your journey, hope burns as a gentle candle fresh in its jar with a maddening flare of excitement

The third step is a blur as you skip to your next stone and forget your legs are only human
You don’t pause, leaning into your next predicted vault through a fog you’re temporarily unaware of
Filled with pure dreams and brushing off any old wounds, you move forward

The fourth step seems longer when you stumble and realize your feet may not be as ready for the trip as your mind
The humbling reminder of your mortality shocks you into a silent moment of reflection
Foggy surroundings ahead and behind send goosebumps to whisper doubt in your ear

The fifth step is the hardest, leg muscles exhausted from little use before and your feet cracking over new callouses
Your hopes and dreams are foggy and dim, the brilliant bait hidden and you left to your imagination
The road home seems untraceable except for a briefly flickering glow through that kitchen window

Where does one travel from here?
The easily shaken turn back, steps sure despite the uncertainty of the path’s existence anymore
The cautious stand still, solid footing in a safe spot for them to rest and be comfortable
The adventurous jump into the misty forest, spinning clouds as they land – jumping again, a tornado spins slowly behind them

Be the adventurous one and ignore the fear weighing upon your shoulders
It’s time to move forward and act with the knowledge that each moment you breathe is as important as the last one and the next one
Look back on your travels with a vault of memories to cherish, lessons to live by and new friends to share laughs with

Toes glide upon the surface of a lazy Milky Way, rippling towards a suggested embankment
A universe, immobilized without knowledge of gravity, cannot weigh down the gentle trespasser’s voyage
She is careening with a smile, neither head or heels can find the ground so she sails on

The cold vacuum bites a blush upon her cheeks, vivacious and bright in a muted adventure
High delight radiates, perforating the craters and cracks to warm the asteroid’s belt and she slingshots from its girth
Glittering trails of a comet’s travel shine as a shower of a million lightning bugs

She loosens the jar from her bosom, crashing through the brilliant wake to collect shards of beauty
Super nova’s collide beyond the galaxy, blinding explosions spread across a dark cavern
In the jar she holds comet trails and stars alike, a lantern of supernatural fireflies

Balancing on Saturn’s rings, tiny footsteps lead back to home
Home is heavy, loud and full – even the moon shines less against a neon night’s glare
Though her journey’s purpose is filled to the brim, she turns her back to home and launches quietly into the stars

“Do you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears?”
Author Unknown

Filed under: Awesome Quotes ]]> http://koogimama.com/2013/05/14/awesome-quote-1/feed/ 0 koogimama Give Energy to Your Fears - Koogimama http://koogimama.com/2013/04/25/duece-the-gentle-giant/ http://koogimama.com/2013/04/25/duece-the-gentle-giant/#comments Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:37:34 +0000 Koogimama http://koogimama.com/?p=1434 ]]> March 23, 2013

Steven Lon Ayers, better known as Duece, passed away from a motorcycle accident in which he lost control of his Harley Davidson around a curve. His female passenger, Lizzie, was thrown as well and transported to the hospital where she remains in critical condition but showing improvement.

–

Duece was and is a gentle giant whose heart was true but scarred from life’s brutal lessons. His demeanor towards me was always kind, no matter how low his brow was furrowed that day.

I had the honor of becoming a good friend of his in the most recent months along with many others at the bar who had conversed with him routinely yet not been able to get close. In his days of hurt, many friends showed just how loyal and dependable they all could be and I should like to include myself among them. If he needed to vent, a roof over his head or a cold beer and silent company, he was surrounded by those who loved him and accepted him as he was. A hopeless romantic with a tough exterior, twinkling blue eyes that laughed within the somber face and of course a friend to you just as you are to him.

This is believed to be the last photo taken of Duece (far right), snapped earlier that day on the bar patio in his usual attire. It’s funny but I find that this photo really captures all that was and still is Duece. His home away from home, always in his work clothes, laughing in the sunshine with friends who accept him just as he is and being able to truly smile.

Obituary of Steven Lon Ayers, “Duece”

**I had so much more to say originally and I do feel that this entry doesn’t do his friendship and personality justice; however this is all that needed to be said and the rest would’ve just cluttered my point. Duece is a great man and we celebrate his life rather than mourn the ending because that’s exactly what he would want. 

He wanders through the crowd, lining the bar with a tall loping grace
As the piano man plays a gentle melody, the dying man’s smile dances for each note
With a glance you wouldn’t know his hourglass is almost run out
Though the bar whispers his tale to each newcomer and repeats it over every beer

Over each repetition, gazes cast heavily upon his brow and wait for a sign of sadness
But instead he grins a cocky, sideways grin and waves his hand
A round of drinks to all from the man you can’t turn down
For he has no one else to empty his wallet
And the price of green paper vanishes with one’s last grain of sand

Friends from long ago and friends made in the dim evening light
Sit around and laugh on their old leather stools, cracking and squeaking yet sturdy as ever

As the door opens, waves of fresh air cut through and shift the smoky atmosphere
With the movement, he lights another cigarette
May as well enjoy the beautiful ember betwixt fingertips;
The stench of bitter joy and guilty habits rolled within the tobacco’s leaves
Is that much sweeter when it’s deaths calling card
Burning into the night’s thick air with a smile

Gary

For a man of gentle smiles, vivacious laughter and humble actions – I do not know you well but I know you enough to say I will miss you when you leave, as will all those who’ve shared a night of stories and friendship with you.
The first time I met you, you and Ol’ Miller played bodyguards for me, the silly little girl at the bar who felt ten feet taller with each beer. I’d almost forgotten to be honest, because you were so quiet. But best friends of old, you stood there with Miller to provide quiet strength and protection should any other bar guests try to pursue conversation with me. It’s kind of funny to think about, that you didn’t know me but the day you met me were put in charge of my wellbeing. I appreciated it then and I still do today.
You say you’ve lived your life and though I’ve only known you for your last year (according to doctors and whatnot), I’d say you’ve still got life to live until your dying breath. You still have time, words to speak, experiences to revisit and friends to share a few more drinks with.

I hope the doctor is wrong and that you continue to visit and tell stories, sitting in the smokey bar. I hope, for Ol’ Miller’s sake that you go out kicking and that you remind him to keep going, as a best friend, as a strong man, and as a believer that every day still matters.

If I don’t see you before you go, a toast to good health for irony’s sake and one last smoke to embrace the chariot that carries you swiftly away. 

Do you sing? Or play piano? I can’t say for sure but this song always makes me think of you.  Piano Man by Billy Joel on YouTube

Each looks for their own reasons
Whether the stars sparkle for dreams or broken shards of hope
We have all found solace in the rolling clouds
Even the blind turn up their face
For sunlight or rain to caress their cheeks
And know, that in all the chaos, there is a sky to to be known

For myself, the moon is hidden this night
Where is my moon tonight?
The shadows nip at my heels
Movement in the corner of my eye
Building a hallucination of terror and my pace quickens
Frantically I begin to run
Bare feet flying over broken glass and dirty cigarette butts
My mind numbs the nerves and I feel nothing
Racing madly to feel, to find the moon that I seek solidarity within

To the outsiders, it is a case of insanity
To me, it is searching for my anchor in the madness

Freedom is nothing when I have no light with which to travel
And when the sun is gone, sight relies on moonlight’s soft lead
For I need the sky when you need solace,
I need the sky, the moon, the sun,
The thunderclouds rolling in but bringing the rain so I know beyond the gray dawn
Is my sky, my moon

I read through their blog entries, their Facebook updates, their words of desperation typed out to the internet and feeling as though it will never be found. They are seeking for confirmation, for no one to read and comment, or ask if they’re alright.

It hurts me, so truly, because I know that feeling. I have felt the despair, depression and general desire to give up. I have sought to end my own life’s breath, naively thinking that no one would care. In the back of my mind, I knew I was being irrational. I had a strong, supportive and loving family that for some reason, I had chosen to shut out. My family would have gathered around me and provided the strength I needed a lot earlier, if I had only sought to ask.

So I have a message to you, the hurting teenager, the unpopular junior high kid. You might want to grab a drink and a snack, it’s a little lengthy. Also, go ahead and clear the bladder now. Because it doesn’t have the same depth if you get up to take a piss halfway.

What can I do to show you that it’s ok to dream?
How can I convince you the world isn’t that scary?
I wish my words would be enough, the voice of hope that managed to break beyond the pain
It’s rough now, but I know and I want you to know that your life is not worth missing out on

No matter how your self was brought into being
By accident, planning or something horrific
You were allowed to develop and encouraged to come out and join us
With your first breath, you knew love, cradled by your mother who knows it was worth it
In your first sleep, you knew peace, though your parents hovered frantically above you all night
The first step you took showed you knew determination
And that first tickle’s giggle gave you the knowledge of happiness

And then you learned to speak and the power of words
With the ability to say “I want” came “I don’t”
And with “I love you” came “I hate you”
“You’re beautiful” also taught you the opposite, “You’re ugly”
Each sweet word spoken was met with its opposite, quickly and harshly
Beginning when you could determine which toys were yours and which ones were theirs

In school, the vicious taunts and insults, naive kids struggling to decipher society’s norms
You all were learning the ways around, but most often were exposed to extremes of love and hate
You learned what it was like to be ignored, cast out and shamed
For your appearance, your heritage, your family, your handicap or seemingly just for existing
No matter the reason, you were made to feel small and unwanted
And I’ve been there
I was taunted mercilessly, bullied through elementary school, middle school, high school

The most common nicknames were:

Talk about creative genius, huh?

The monkey face may have only accelerated the name calling, looking back on it.

This one came from my best friend in 6th grade. So I went to the bathroom and wrote her an angry letter. It’s kind of funny lookin’ back on it.

Believe me, I know what you’ve been through – to a much deeper level than those photos suggest
I know the thoughts that you’ve had and the nights upon nights of tear-stained sheets
Sobs muffled in your pillow until you fall asleep from exhaustion
I know this because I’ve been there
I have also dreamt of the escape, running away or releasing myself from the daily task of breathing

But I said no
I rose up from my pain
Musty curtains rained specks of dust as they were thrown open
The sunlight reaches so much farther when you open your eyes to let it in

The shaky muscles will grow stronger, I promise
They just need a little practice
Standing tall is a state of mind, not just a stance, and it only happens when your heart feels the desire to beat with a purpose

To the bullies, I won’t tell you I fought back because I didn’t
But I stopped cowering, I stopped believing their taunts
I didn’t throw insults, I just stood straighter
Mean people are a lot smaller when you stare them down with a smile

You can rise up, knowing that you’re not defined by words or looks
You are defined by the heart, by your strength
By the courage you feel to hold steady and brave the tide

It gets better
When you believe in your bones, your muscles, your tendons and soul
When you breath with a purpose and welcome the vital air

You are free, with the world to explore
Do not settle to stay in your city after you can leave
Do not remain where you hate, with memories that sour each day
Grab a map and a pen
Close your eyes and let your dreams guide your hand
And when the ink meets paper, open your eyes to your destination
A booming metropolis or a corn field in bum fuck nowhere,
I bet you haven’t seen it and I bet with a few clicks on the computer,
You can get there pretty soon

It’s the race of adventure, exploration and knowledge that brings the brightest light to your eyes
You have the choice
Empower yourself not with bitter old feelings but with experience of a place and memories that can never be touched

Just do what I do and when you’re ready, as in you truly believe in your heart of hearts and your smile is genuine and your stride is long
Leave a nice little note and maybe they’ll find it

I really hope someone sees this and reaches for their own pen and paper.

When you stretch your life beyond its limits and past that little line of chalk the bullies drew
Your imagination can stretch your future even farther
But before you go, be sure to send your old “buddies” a nice little goodbye.

Psst… bullies! Can’t touch this, duh nuh nuh nuh, du nuh, du nuh, CAN’T TOUCH THIS!

Photo by Mark Unrau 2009 – Courtesy of Starts With A Bang, Science Blog

When the clouds drift away
Suddenly the world is darker; yet clearer in its make-up
Revealing twinkling stars
A glimpse of infinity

Look up and know
This perfection, this midnight canvas
Was once violent chaos
Entropy that we know of only centuries later
When the starlight finally breaks through the atmosphere

For only a moment, I seek control
A deep breath of smoke emerges
And betwixt my lips, the sky is hidden
Just as quickly, the air dissipates
A seemingly calm breeze on an almost calm night

In the middle of nowhere
Lying in the grass with only crickets for company
It is hard not to feel insignificant
The confidence perceived when around other people
Means nothing to a planet
That is just as insignificant to her universe

In a moment of spite I pull up grass from around me
But there is no insult perceived from these few blades, as more will grow to take its place
I shout loudly to nothing, startling the crickets
The millisecond of sheer silence slams against my eardrums
And the chorus of insects begins anew

In an inexplicable tantrum, I rise from the dirt
And then pause
Standing up, without the grass to frame my sight
I am the only thing visible, moonlight reflecting off my pale skin
And just like that, with no words or actions, not even a smirk
I am humbled, by a planet who cares not

Walking slowly, I ponder why I even bother to continue when I am of the same existence as a cricket
Insignificant to the floating rock on which I perch
Although we have all found this moment once before, and the human race developed
Creating a significance that only we believe in
And in doing so, I am given the chance to matter
To scream loudly and be not only acknowledged but heard

I am a voice, a heart, a soul – operating from machinery that is unique
Even though it was designed from the same blue print as everyone else

With my lips, I will share knowledge, questioning what I cannot grasp
I will show tender love and teach my children what I have learned

With my arms, I will provide the warmth and solidarity for those who are lost
Reach for a paintbrush to capture the sky and write stories to pass on in death

With my legs, I will travel, exploring this world and learning from it
Lift others above rising waters and swim to shore when it gets too deep

I am one of the billions, as are you and you
Another living creature vying for my own space and life
Pretending we are more than just simple animals
Creating a purpose when there is none, to quell the human need to belong

But I choose to feel like someone worthwhile
I choose to share smiles and laughter and tears, to share moments with strangers
And advice when its due

And one day, I will do one of these things as I would every day
And will never know if that had been my purpose for living all along
So I’ll keep on being someone who matters, with something to give
Remembering always the humility dealt by Earth and shown by the moon

Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine. – Thomas Jefferson

Would you but glance across the room to catch my gaze
My lips instinctively part in a smile so wide
As you walk decidedly in my direction,
Automatic reaction lifts my hands out to receive you
In a single graze of your fingers to my shoulder,
I find a heart set aflutter, verging on a heart attack so sweet

I would stand beside you if you would say it
I would forever awaken to your slumbering form
Wrapped in my arms, legs tangled together

I look into your eyes and know,
What I feel is reflected, cautiously yet vividly
As we lie together, breaths catch in the soft glow of the night
Your arms reach around and catch me,
Providing resistance should I even choose to switch positions

In this unspoken emotion, I feel all control
Of life and limb, handed over eagerly
I would warn you to keep it safe,
But I know the warning is reflected as you seal your feelings
With a gentle kiss
A kiss to last a moment
A kiss to last an eternity
You would show me what it is to truly love
And I will not back down

I awaken in the mornings
With a vitality that had long faded from my muscles
A purpose with unknown definition lifts me from my pillow
Each day is a day of possibilities,
Is a day of true connection with another soul
Is a day I get to spend with you
And that is enough to wake even a hibernating bear
And encourage it to frolic beneath the sun

As I rest on the brink of sleep at night,
I feel your alert form, watching
Should I open my eyes if only for a moment,
I will catch you staring at my face,
Those green eyes, speckled with both blue and gold seem to shine
And that quick smile you give me before I turn to bed
Will chase away my nightmares for another night
I cannot cry, even in my dreams,
For you are there to keep me safe and keep me with you
I am in love with you
Your kiss tells me you are too
I love you

In a devil’s dance, the bed unfolded
With wicked grins seen in the moonlight’s profile
It’s a whispered tale between two lovers
A carnal manifestation of the heart
Evidenced by the nails in his back,
Each fingers digging a path of blatant need

With each breath, a song begins to take shape
A gentle intro, swept up into the chorus
To a rhythm known only by the body
The musical break arrives with a mouth’s caress
Take a second to see not the trembling limbs
Look into each other’s souls, basking in a love all our own

As the beat picks up, seemingly impossible
The exhilaration heightens and thoughts erase themselves
It is no longer a conscious creation but one of instinct
Centuries of knowledge and need announce their presence
With a song as old as time, the music plays loudly
Blocking eardrums and sanity
To be swept up in the notes, carried off to the melody

Our skin meets harshly but perfectly
In the window’s light, the sweat glistens and the humidity is thick

In a moment, the limbs tighten and hold
For a split-second, the scene is frozen
Breath stopped, eyes closed, fingers entwined

And it is gone

The exhausted forms fall, still in a state of bliss
The aftermath shows both,
Head on his shoulder as chests rise in unison, gasping heavily
With a sigh and a smile, a kiss concludes
To the ending scene

Or two porcelain bodies, profiles rising and falling in a desperate want for air
Sweat dissipating
Content, they lay and rest
Seeking to remain in a blissful, loving state for as long as possible

As quickly as the physical needs struck them both, they fade away
The mind regains control, pushing back natural instinct
The thoughts filter in slowly and following is conversation,
One gives in and both rise to dress and exit the stage

Some turning a blind eye
To the wanderlust nipping at our heels
Others, acknowledging it in silence
Knowing that with self-control, it can be kept at bay

Why? Why, when only faced with our own deadline,
Do we rise up to live,
To explore and travel, to approach every stranger for a story
To grasp for some attempt at meaning before our existence is demolished

Why do we keep our whole life limited and routine,
Afraid to dance without inhibitions,
To sing at the top of our lungs in the car,
Instead choosing to spend our days making a living
Without ever seeking to live

I write of the desire, the need to take in everything
And yet I find myself sitting at a screen, typing away
A paycheck for the chance that I might wake up
Soon, I will stop making my excuses

With the city lights growing a brighter contrast
A dark sky pretending to be night but clouds hang low,
A wide reflection of the neon signs

I realize that for over two years I have now sat
Thinking only in dollar signs,
Failing to return to the spontaneous trips
Waking at three in the morning, determined to make it to the beach before sunrise
Armed with only time and gasoline

I know I can save and I know we will travel
But once we make plans, set a schedule
The mystery and the excitement of the unknown stopping point,
It all wanes and becomes a grid of required events, a guideline for adventure

So instead I want to squirrel away funds
I want to open an envelope, pull out the cash
Turn to you with keys in hand
Let’s drive for a day, let’s drive for the weekend
Let us spin the wheels and consume the gravel,
Stopping at hide-away stores
Drive to a small town square and dance to the truck’s radio
Put the dogs in the back, roll the windows down
And breathe air of a different kind
Think not of the gas tank, think not of the budget
Look only to the road or to your right and I will look only to my left

In your eyes I travel the only road trip I’ve ever sought
In your smile, the miles speed by
In your arms, my destination is meaningless
Swept up in a passion
Knowing that with the weekend’s close,
So too shall the map fold up and be stowed away

The grind will resume, the responsibilities taking forefront in our minds
The bills and daily requests will put each day’s clock into sharp focus
But in the dark bedroom, dimly shining with outside lights
I see your profile and we may smile at each other
Knowing that the trip may be over
But the map still holds secrets
Highways have yet to be traced, cities circled wildly
Cut out post cards glued along the roadways
A physical testament to the life we have led

Someday, as a child quiets into slumber,
That map will hang above their bed
When their eyes open, they will know only the possibilities
They will dream of a Seussical world
Never to be told that the highways stretch too far
And the requirements of life, too pressing

Photo by sappymscobain - Click for link

Do you still sit in your corner, listening to the sad songs and wondering when anyone will listen to you?
Do you lay your blade to skin and watch as your tears fall to mix with blood?
Do you shy from those who offer help and guard your smiles for fear you’ll use them all up?
Do your eyes look beyond the crowd and see the sky above, drawing a better life for you?

I did that. I did all of it. I cried. I bled. I hid my smiles.
I blocked my hope. I cowered from chance.
I thought only the sky could hold where I wanted to be.

Would you stand up off your knees and trust me, if only with your mind, listen to me.
Hear my voice as I sing songs of hope to you, a gentle lullaby to still a petrified heart
And understand that I have been there, I have fallen and I have arose to a better tomorrow.

My black, broken silhouette one day unbent, my spine straightened and wings of a new heart spread behind me
Through the cracks shined a brilliant light, pushing with such power to get out
That all forms of my timid shell fell behind, and in a glowing revelation
I let my knees support my trembling body and then my feet, toes gripping for a balance unknown

With a breathing heart, I lifted wings of beauty and rose towards the clouds 
Beating through them, confident as all the birds who live there
And though I know I will have to come down, to return back to a ground, a people
I feel that right now, I am no longer broken, I am a figure of strength in my own mind

While I did not trust those around me just yet, I trusted in myself

So as you listen to this song and this melody, know that your soul can too shine and fly
To brilliant new heights and in a blinding light that all might shield their eyes from in shock
You are a person worth sharing with the world
Believe in your strength and in your physical existence

You are real. You are here. You deserve to be seen and heard. You deserve to be loved and understood.

But how can anyone see and know the beauty of a rare gem if it lies amongst dust,
High up on a shelf, in the darkest recesses of a room?

It’s your turn. Shine on.

I can’t say every day I gave my best effort
I won’t say I smiled at every stranger

I will not guarantee that my heart has been in it all the way
I did not put one hundred percent into my actions

But I still felt the appreciation and the anticipation of a new day
I still awoke with a hope that I would get to see the sun rise and fall once more

When the colors seemed to fade, in the brightest sunlight
And the waves rose above my head, tossing limbs wildly

I reached upon the shelf up high, breaking through cobwebs, 
Wiped the dust from the lid and opened up my jar of sand

In the gentle glow of dusk, I poured the sand over my toes
Reaching to pick it off the ground and run my fingers through it

Drawing simple outlines of hearts and suns, a vivid imagination
Surrounded me with a beach scene and a delicate breeze

With a quick blow, the wind swept my sand away,
Trickling into the air above the grass and winding into the distance

But still my mind pretended the buildings were palm trees
And each passing car a playful flip of a dolphin fin

Though I doubt some days and feel as though my life goes unrecognized by all but me
I know it is not true and in one jar of sand, my world stays whole and vivid

Oh, I’m hell on wheels, in a handbasket, from the liar of a planet we call Pluto
Racing eagerly through time and space, with a stupid grin
Tripping over my feet as I travel, bouncing off Saturn’s rings and heading to the sun

Each day I step without forethought
My mouth spills words and my mind without passing through a filter
Eyes peering into every cave and shadow passing by
Only to learn after that it’s better to taunt the consequences first with bait
Before jumping into a den of lions

I step out alone and somehow, something always happens
Never serious enough to warrant a security guard
But enough for a shake of the head and a stern word
A small smile and joking-yet-serious voice that reminds me,
Every time I go out alone, something happens

But I can’t really say that’s a bad thing
Yes, tempting fate isn’t the most intelligent of life’s mottos
Yet the stories that I return home with cast humor and a way to pass the time

I know that I am loved, cared for, and that my choices will always be supported by my love, my friends, and my family
Even when those choices run the risk of broken bones or simply a crushed spirit
These are all reparable with time, time which I choose to view as never ending
I won’t live like each day is my last because it won’t be
As naive as that may sound, each day is a new opportunity, building up a step to the next day, with another exciting adventure

So no, I don’t mind my car being keyed, or stalling in the parking garage
I don’t mind feeling a little scared once in a while
Because at the closing hour of my day,
I’m home, safe and loved
Chastised or not, I make it home safe and I am forever grateful
To be so lucky and to be so blessed

Thank you all for allowing me to breathe, to run, and to play
And for being there to guide me to safe haven as dusk fades darker
For sharing in my laughter and my tears
In both, holding me close in a bond broken only through death itself

I love you.

Do we write about the happy lives, the happy times, the happy moments?
Or do we wait for the screw up, the stone to trip over
So that then, and only then, will we have something to share, to immortalize forever
On paper, on the computer and show it to the world
Seeking companionship desperately once the trip forward loses focus

I have nothing horrid to say, nothing sad or depressing
In fact, right now, the only sad thing in my life is my crummy little car
And my dog pees everywhere

But my life is good, solid, happy
For the first time in years, I can’t sit alone and dwell on shit

It’s a nice feeling, one that’s been long awaited
And now fully appreciated

I think Jennyzilla put it best in saying: “The depression and anger follows from expectations that are too high to be lived up to. Life isn’t perfect. I trip, I stumble, I fall. The ones that are there to pick you up make the imperfections fade.”

The sky looks the same, dark, few stars to be seen
And muggy clouds reflect the lights of city that never sleeps

To you, this is a skyline seen so many times over
It never changes
But we all see something so different

So I sit, wondering what makes this night so special
What makes this cigarette any different from the one before it?
Why does the air smell so unique to me? Like it’s never smelled that way before?

It must be the company. It must be the people with me.
It must be the conversation that seems to shed light on new ideas and thought processes
Even though we’ve said it all before

No matter how similar this night may seem
It is different in every aspect

My chair sits just a little bit farther
The breeze tosses leaves gently in an unknown pattern
Even the smoke churns violently but in a rythmic motion

So I breathe it all in
As another night, unlike any other
But so familiar

“To dream of the person you wish to be is to waste the person you are.”

Photo by Rune Guneriussen

This thing called life is better than cake.

theCHIVE

Courtesy of theCHIVE

Just a little bit of sunshine and happy thoughts for the day

Courtesy of theCHIVE

It speaks for itself really. <3

“Kill your heroes and fly”* they said
So you did
And now, floating amidst a starry background
Flying has sped up, almost immediately
Smiling to yourself, feel the rush of a cold, imaginative dream
Now open your eyes

Before the mouth can release a scream of terror
The body begins careening carelessly
Mercilessly,
Flinging  the figure into stars
That burning beauty nows peels back skin and muscle
Tears you down to bone

Though you continue to fly,
Stripped of your senses, only your thoughts can bear you on
Tracking the flames of starry wishes
And stabbing through bones with pretend sensations of chilly air

So sail

Sail on

Holding onto a sun that blinds your eyes and hardly grazes mine
Perhaps I could use your light to see
See where I might one day be
His hand in mine
Where might we be?

The possibilities are endless

Take me out of this metal pile of disgust, hatred and impatience
Take me from this city and put me in a field
Take me off these highways and heartbreaks

Take me to a sandy spot, with water and a breeze
Take me to a cozy spot, with hay and a cabin
Take me to a high up spot, with snow and a dream

As the numbers float in circles behind my eyes
Twisting inside my dreams and running across my words
The bills have risen higher and higher
The morning sun seems harsher and harsher
The boredom makes me angrier and angrier
The heats sinks me lower and lower
The stress tears my sanity farther and farther

I did it again, in case you were wondering,
I kept my words unspoken and my thoughts under lock and key
I let them loose only to convey I was close to breaking
I was told by one person,
“You won’t ever change, Jordan. You’re always going to keep things to yourself.
You’re never going to fully trust anyone and people are going to give up on you.
Not everyone’s going to stick around and wait you out to the breaking point every time.”
I guess it’s about time I admitted they were right.

I have improved though. I talk a lot more. I show a lot more. I cry a lot more as a result.
I no longer explode in a manner to rival that of a nuclear bomb. 
But it still caught up to me today and I slipped up
In a manner that ashamed me and insulted him entirely
Almost called in to work so I could go hide in another city for a couple hours.
But I’m back at work.
Wishing desperately I was hiding.
But I can’t run again.

Running, hiding, turning the tables and remaining a stoic figure, unwilling to listen to brutal honesty about my actions and how they affected others. That is what I did for too many years. I listened but never in front of people. I listened and cried to myself. Now, right now, all I want to do is go hide for a few days. I didn’t even screw up that bad! Yet, I know the level of insult it delivered and I can see his face behind my eyelids, angry, hurt, and wishing that punching a wall would make it all go away.

I want to go to another town.
I want to get in my car and drive.
I want to disappear on a back road.

But despite what I want to do, I want more to keep him around for the rest of my life. Running and hiding won’t make that happen.

So a happy 21st birthday to you Jenny. You have earned a night of endless shots, plentiful beer, and intoxicated lack of coordination which just might result in crawling and possibly a few prayers to the porcelain gods.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!

And remember…

A Softer World

There’s a thousand and one ways for you to kill the passing hour
There’s a million and one ways to kill a day
A billion and one to kill a week

A trillion and one in your lifetime

I think a big part of growing up and becoming an independent being
Involves a major lesson on how to be a child again
Actually, growing up involves a lot of lessons

1. Appreciate the little things
It’s the simple, small things that allow you to really grasp how awesome your life is. I know the bills pile up and the days seem to get longer, but it doesn’t matter against the little things.
Your loved one puts a simple post-it on the front door saying “I love you” that you see just as you leave for work.
When you only need a twenty five cents more for your purchase and the person behind gives it to you.
Your waiter offers free refills on something that normally would’ve been extra.

Last night I had one of those moments. We were sitting at the bar and watching as Flash, an older black man, sings soulfully into the mic, smiling at the women who giggle to each other. All of a sudden, a new song comes on and my love sets down my beer, grabs my hand and pulls me onto the dance floor, where we sway slowly, spinning softly, to Elvis.
“Take my hand, take my whole life too / For I can’t help falling in love with you.” 

2. Do not regret what you’ve done in life because at that time, it was exactly what you wanted.
I’m guilty of sitting and regretting A LOT in my life. It’s something everybody does. But there’s value in those things you “regret”. Those drunken nights, those loud arguments in the driveway, the desire to run from the only people who’ve been there from the beginning, not staying in school, quitting a job for false pride. All of these things people can look back on and regret but honestly, would you be where you are today if they hadn’t happened?

Each experience, action, or memory that you look back on with just a little bit more perspective and a tighter hold of the big picture is something to be appreciated, not regretted. Those times built you, showed you where to go, who to trust, gave you the opportunity to be the bigger person, and challenged you to not be content with what you used to be and instead seek improvement and betterment of your self.

3. Remember that the internet isn’t life. There’s the outside as well.
This one’s silly and something that we all heard from our parents growing up.
“It’s a beautiful day today, why don’t you go outside?”
Despite how many times they said it, we still had to be locked outside for a decent couple of hours on a regular basis. At the time, yes, you’re having a fantastic adventure through jungles and hiding from cars but it’s not until years later that suddenly, as you’re sitting in an office or on your lunch break, sweating from manual labor or wearing a jacket in your cubicle, that you miss being able to go play in the mud.

Even if your not an outdoors person, you can still enjoy a nice afternoon outside. I know here in Houston that’s a little impossible right now but eventually!!! A picnic by the bayou, take the dogs to the dog park, challenge your friend to a go-kart race, or just join friends/family for a dip in the pool.

Whenever I get bored with being “grown up” and “responsible”, I invite someone out to eat. And then I initiate a spitball war. Or just throwing random things at each other war. But it never hurts to relax once in a while and just act like a child.

I remember going out to eat and getting told to be quiet and sit still a couple years back by someone. Said that I was being childish and embarrassing them. What I remember most though, was the fact that while they were embarrassed, I was just mad they didn’t try to understand. You don’t have to act like a grown-up all the time. Remember that, boy.

Life is something to be cherished, fully appreciated, a reason to be grateful and an opportunity to do more than just make a paycheck.

"Kill Your Heroes" by AWOLNATION

On an AWOLNATION kick today. I hadn’t ever even heard of them until yesterday when “Sail” came on the radio and now I can’t stop. <3

Click here for the AWOLNATION site
Click here for the AWOLNATION Wikipedia

Click here for “Sail” Music Video
Click here for “Burn It Down” Music Video

"Sail" by AWOLNATION

It’s funny. I started hearing about AWOLNATION about the same time that Anonymous started making headlines. Without meaning to, I now associate them both. Plus, V for Vendetta was on the TV last night too. It’s like the whole nation is calling for a rebellion. But me? I’m just going to sit here, enjoy the music and grab a good seat for the show.

[Insert cliffhanger with foreshadowing of a blog post about Anonymous]

You can read up on Anonymous through these sites:

Acquainting Yourself With Anonymous
Anonymous “Threatens” to Destroy Facebook
You can view the video of this “threat” here: Anonymous to Destroy FB on Nov. 5th, 2011

<3
 

FOR SOME STRANGE REASON NO ONE TOLD ME UNTIL NOW

AUGUST 16, 2011

BRING

IT

ON

!

The Eatery offers a rum cocktail for zombies and humans alike here

Filed under: Observations, Opinionated News ]]> http://koogimama.com/2011/08/16/national-rum-day/feed/ 0 koogimama captainmorgan http://koogimama.com/2011/08/16/random-awesome-pictures/ http://koogimama.com/2011/08/16/random-awesome-pictures/#comments Tue, 16 Aug 2011 21:16:20 +0000 Koogimama http://koogimama.wordpress.com/?p=1148 ]]> A lot of these pictures were brought to my attention by The Chive and they are fantastic.

Awesome, random or just funny. (I’m bored and this is what I’ve decided to do instead of work for the last little bit of time I have left at this desk today.

Filed under: Artsy Musings, Not Sure, Observations, So She Thinks ]]> http://koogimama.com/2011/08/16/random-awesome-pictures/feed/ 0 koogimama question everything reality fantasy angry to happy rock space sad to awesome Nasa Unemployment http://koogimama.com/2011/08/16/the-clock-has-a-boring-tick/ http://koogimama.com/2011/08/16/the-clock-has-a-boring-tick/#comments Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:19:22 +0000 Koogimama http://koogimama.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/the-clock-has-a-boring-tick/ ]]>

Courtesy of The Chive

It’s clicking, and ticking,
Slicing and dicing,
Slowly inching towards that anticipated hour
When the screen goes black
My fingers retract from the keyboard
And my feet lift me from this chair

Soon, two hours soon,
I can go home
And sit, thinking and sitting,
About the general boring nature
Of today

Boring.

I bet this guy isn't bored today >:(

-Albert Einstein

The stupid things that have led me to tears in the past weeks
Looking at a damn page about puppies,
Feeling shitty at certain things,
And feeling like somehow, I’ve disappointed him, even when I’ve done nothing to create that feeling

I ignored the hints, the warnings
And now, I sit, simmering, perched on a crumbling cliff
Having no logical reason to feel so… angry? Maybe just frustrated?

Here comes the blow up,
Here comes the sudden wash of emotion and pent up frustrations and unspoken words
Why, when my life has gone absolutely perfect for so long now?
Maybe it’s because I hate this city…
The concrete paths, the towers of metal and revealing glass
The dirt and the scum on the bottom of my shoes as I step two feet outside

He suggested Colorado. God, I’ve been dreaming about that place for months now.
It’s not even guaranteed. I’ve never been.
But every night, I dream of a place different, a place where the memories are new
A change in scenery
I don’t care if it’s cold, I don’t care if the tourists are everywhere, bumbling around with fanny packs galore
I just need to get out

It’s the money situation
The inability to go anywhere, even just to the beach for a day
I can’t afford it and when I can,
Something always pops up that I have to pay instead
And I can’t go spending my money on a trip to a beach or a vacation
Especially not when I’ve been relying so heavily on financial backing from others these past few months

I just… I just want to feel something other than a thick, muggy heat
Stare at something other than a traffic light
Breathe in air not composed strictly of exhaust and angry feelings

I have no reason to be feeling this way
But I do
And it sucks
>:(

Thank You for being patient and helping me learn my heart's strength through trial and torture.

You are someone special, you are intelligent, and you are beautiful
You can do anything you want
And at the time, all I did was fire back retorts, shooting down every comment

Special? I’m just a number in my high school. I look the same as everyone else. To be “special” is to be “popular”. I wasn’t.

Intelligent? I got a ‘C’ in this class and only one ‘A’ on the whole report card while all my friends got straight ‘A’s.

Anything I want? I want to dig a hole to china. Can’t do that! I want to go to the moon! Can’t do that (thx Obama).

But now, even though I haven’t really done much with my life, I’ve experienced life
And it took me being treated like I was something that wasn’t special that made me realize I am.  I heard my parents in the background, telling me that if someone loved me, they wouldn’t send me home crying every night, they wouldn’t fight with me regularly until 3 a.m. when my phone was just taken away, if someone truly loved me they would respect ME.
I thought I took in that information. But then I “loved” a man who threatened to stray constantly, who had the backbone of a six year old and an IQ to match, a man who only showed me he cared when I left and didn’t walk back in the door saying it was a joke.  And I realized that while I was respected, to a certain degree, I was not fully appreciated nor being given one hundred percent in response to my hundred and ten that I handed over, free of charge.
So I tried again, and allowed myself to be used, ignored, humiliated, and turned into something of little importance other than companionship so as not to be seen alone at the bar. I blinded myself to the trash talking the second I wasn’t in the room and the constant stories of your history and personality. But I thought I could make you something. I was wrong. And thank god I was. THANK GOD I WAS SO FUCKING WRONG. Because why?

Because, as a result of all those trials and broken, trampled hearts I left in the dust, I discovered the man my daddy told me about at age 12. I discovered a man who respects me, who listens, who appreciates and who lets me know that I’m in his thoughts, whether there physically or not. With this man, I feel like a capable human being, intelligent, beautiful, someone special. I feel special. And I hope he feels special, because my god, the man is the lottery ticket no numbers can claim, nor some random person in Ohio. This lottery ticket is mine, all mine, and I am forever keeping it alongside my heart.

We watch tv together on the couch and I lean my head to place it on your chest. Your heart pounds steadily, a deep solid beat. As I lay there, I check my heart rate, fluttering wildly, it begins to slow down over a period of several minutes. I check ten minutes later, and it beats at the same rhythm as yours. I smile and you kiss me softly on the head. Then my heart rate loses all sense of tempo and begins beating wildly, threatening to burst from within my ribcage, until I quell it with a meaningful kiss, one that tells each other, you are my world and my everything. I only want you. For the rest of my life. And wherever we go after our bodies have finished. I. Want. You.

A Patriotic Show of Violence and Upset at the Coming Storm

There’s over two hours left in my work day.
Yet, as fascinating as moving contact information from one site to another is, I keep distracting myself.
If I lean my head six inches to the left, I can see past my half-cubicle wall and through an office, into a window that takes up 2/3 of the whole wall.
The skies are a mottled gray, taunting fresh rain to parched tongues and tires
But no one lets themselves hope for more than a few minutes
So they continue on, through the dirty random gusts of wind
Through the window, the American flag and Texas flag wave violently by the bursts of air flowing fiercely, side by side but brutally attacking each other, controlled by other elements.

Although there’s not much to see beyond rippling cloths of red, white and blue, I’m seeing so much.

Daydream of the Unreal

Quietly slipping into a daydream, hidden in my little corner,
Wondering what is happening right this second
That I’m missing because of these silly phone numbers?
What event is taking place, somewhere else, that I could be at?
Don’t you ever wonder what you’re missing out on?

I will see it all one day. After the finances become sturdy enough to rely on for years of adventure.
Until then, simple weekend getaways will have to suffice.
But just wonder, something could happen right. this. second. and you’re missing it
It could be life-changing, eye-opening, the moment of truth, the event to help you see yourself,
The adventure to help you grow into you, the split-second where you face death and win.

And snap, my focus breaks.
Back to the phone numbers, names from clients years ago, gathering cobwebs inside the web of worldy wideness.

Side glances from time to time keep me going, each glimpse of the window a new bright dream to turn over in my head.

As I sit on this limited section of concrete,
I feel the bricks digging into my back at every corner
And I light up one more cigarette,
Knowing my friend has succumbed to the sleep that escapes my grasp
These blue eyes rove over the street beneath me,
Watching as people emerge from their doors, locking them,
Getting into their car and driving to a job meant to give purpose to one’s existence

And through it all, I realize that none of it matters
Because you’re not here by my side, holding my hand, and watching the world turn with me
I used to run searching desperately for a place to stay and call home
But now I know,
“You put your arms around me and I’m home” *

So each day, as I gingerly place my feet on the carpet beside my bed,
I step slowly but surely, confidently
Trusting the drumming of my heart
Knowing that each step, each thought, each action
Every click of the mouse or word shown through the keyboard
Each step brings me one step closer to you

One step closer to forever closing my eyes when the sun fades  
And waking with the sunrise and birds,
Each time finding myself wrapped in that which is your everything
Your arms hold me, squeeze me as a nightmare seeks entry in my thoughts
You gently rouse me from my slumber,
“I’m here. You’re ok. Everything’s ok. Nothing’s going to happen to you while you’re here with me.”
Smiling, and feeling butterflies of middle school similarity fluttering from nose to toe and back
Kiss me softly on the lips
I love you.

I love you too.

I will continue searching for new places, new experiences, perhaps a new home
But you will be at my side, walking, running, or stopping in time with me
I will travel but only if you will hold my hand and go with me
If you wish to stay, I will stay with a compromise
Once in a while, you will come home and I will hand you a plane ticket to anywhere
And we will go,
Armed with a camera, fresh pack of smokes, and your hand interlocked in mine

You are my everything. Now, I look at you and I wonder how I ever even thought I was truly happy before you were in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world every time you catch my eye or lean in to kiss me softly on the nose.

I cannot thank you enough for giving me a second chance. I cannot tell you how much I truly appreciate all you have done to make sure my life is secure and stress-free. Even when I am grumpy and downright horrid, you stay patient and wait for me to relax, and when I do, your arms are always open. Your smile at the ready, so genuine. And when you smile, your eyes shift from green to honey in a split second.

“I hope that you catch me ’cause I’m already fallin’” *

So put on your boots, cowboy of mine, ’cause we’re about to tear this world apart and forever search for unseen nooks and crannies, whether holding knowledge or just a good memory. I want you by my side. Always. I love you.

* Lyrics to “Arms” by Christina Perri

3/17/11 --> I won the lottery in matters of the heart and soul <3

Nights of crying, nights of wishing
That I didn’t spend every night drinking and going out,
Just to feel wanted

Days stretched into weeks, into months,
With no end in sight
And no real promise to keep my feet moving
So I slowed,
My steps dragged and scraped
Threatening to stop forever,

But a little thread of hope remained
Waving briefly in the light
As songs of happiness and promises for a better tomorrow
Played through my headphones
I allowed myself to dream
But felt that I was stuck and could somehow make myself happy

I tried. I broke hearts.
I lied. I skipped out on plans.
I laid in bed, poring over a map
Wondering where I could go to finally find a place for me

But as the time went on, the finances slipped away
And I came home, back to Houston, feeling that I could be happy
With a man I resented with every word from his lips,
With someone who caused me to cringe at his touch

I got home and knew
I couldn’t keep on pretending to be ok
So I put on my Converse, tied my laces with a purpose
Of which the definition, I was unaware

I ended a relationship of three years
And felt a weight slip off my chest
Unaware I was even constricted in my breathing,
Lungs swelled at the opportunities
Blurry but flashing brightly,
Tempting adventure

And now, I know I just needed to grow out,  
Stand up for myself and acknowledge that my heart has something to give
My spine doesn’t only bend to fit others,
But stands up straight, shaking hesitantly but standing strong

Now, I have a job that offers comfort and happiness,
Best friends who I can call to share a story or ask for a shoulder to lean on
A man who looks at me and makes me feel truly beautiful
A place to be on my own but ensure I stay responsible without a parent’s helping hand

In the silence of the night, I smile to my ceiling
And realize the purpose in my Converse
Was to carry me to a new road
Where the light was bright, the options were everywhere
And my travels were all my decisions

But I didn’t, I maintained connection,
Not well, I’m ashamed to admit
But they stayed in my mind,
And randomly, a memory would cause me to reach out
Just to say hello and I miss you

Months went by, then years

Jojo, Little One, & Jennyzilla 2011

Promises to come visit never fulfilled
And then, after breaking hearts and raising hell,
I finally came home

I was scared of rejection,
And being resented for never coming by
For dropping off the face of the planet
Due to drinking my solitude away and seeking a friend
Thinking that I was finally living my life
But finding myself, curled in a blanket every night
Wanting my companions of old
To sit and talk

So I put on a brave face,
Put aside my false pride
And picked up the phone,
Beginning with an apology
And asking for a friendship back that I had taken for granted

When we were once more all in the same room,
Our three minds fell back into our old patterns
Swept up in the happiness that I hadn’t realized was missing
There weren’t resentments, just some tears at my absence

Slowly, we talked, laughed and reminisced,
Shared our three years of separation
And reveled in how we’ve grown but still stayed the same
Carrying memories of us in the heart

I felt my bones begin slipping back into place,
My muscles began to tingle, eager to stand up
My skin held on carefully, keeping me in check
And I felt the cracks throughout my life
Begin to finally heal

I finally jumped up after months of subtle support
And smiling, turn out my hands
To hold onto my two girls,
Who smile at my drunk moments,
Slap me on the head when I act stupid,
And offer unconditional friendship

I missed you ladies so much while I was gone.
Being back, and having y’all back in my life
Showed me that everything could be ok
And that it’s alright to break down and ask for help
I can’t do it on my own

Little One & Jennyzilla, you helped me
Once more regain my old self
And laugh with everything I have

In August, it will be ten years,
And we will continue counting until we can breathe no more
Together, we will ride to hell
And lord help the devil himself,
When we get down there, it’s going to be crazy

<3

My life is awesome.

But I bet, if you stopped and looked at every quirky little thing in your life, you’d realize yours is too. It’s not all about making ends meet, or trying to get a pay raise. It’s about the little things. For example:

My boyfriend and I have a pet snapping turtle. He’s still a little baby but I spend hours watching him follow my finger along the tank wall and trying to bite it through the glass.
There’s a pet anole lizard too. His name is Rango. Just like the movie (which was quite awesome).

Now, Toothless (that’s the turtle’s name but he also goes by “Turtle Man”) came about by being caught in the bayou during an afternoon catching minnows… Best catch of the day. Rango came to us a little differently. We got into my man’s truck, pulled out of the driveway and started proceeding down a road at 30 mph. Slowly, this little lizard crawled onto the hood of the truck. And as cruel as the next part may seem, we promise it was in good fun. We wanted to see if this little lizard had guts. So we drove faster. He held on. Progressing onto the windshield wiper, we even swiped the blade once or twice but he stayed. Excited, we were two minutes from our destination and eagerly looking forward to capturing our adventurous friend. But seconds later he disappeared under the hood. In a dramatic attitude only seen in soap operas, a chorus of “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” escaped from us both, followed by pouty faces.
Fearing the death of our good friend, we pulled into the parking lot and raced to open the hood. Disappointed, we didn’t see him. But then, HE APPEARED! And thus, we captured Rango and took him home.

More to come when I return from my evening shift at work. Woohoo. Waiting tables. You love it. You hate it. <3
Spend some time thinking about why YOUR life is awesome. I guarantee it’ll at least put a smile on your face, if not lift your spirits for the evening.

I sit delicately awaiting your arrival
For you always visit me when I sleep
I stare into your eyes of green
Melt as the honey stripes that blend upon the green glittering canvas
Here, I am good enough for you
Here, I am truly beautiful
And your hand grabs mine, to show me no fear

We lie amongst weeds of summer
Stare into a sky,
Cracked open with ribbons of flame
Piercing and shattering the sifted cotton
Arms extend to hold it, feel the warmth within our palms
Together, the orb is brought to rest between us
Casting everywhere to darkness
Glowing, we smile
Twisted wickedly together
It seeps into us, absorbed entirely

And I awaken – To turn and stare into your green eyes, melting as the honey stripes that blend

No flaws in the silence
Yet your lips still part with empty words
Smoke rolls from tongue and eyes follow
Floating through an invisible current
Vapor free form prancing
Twists, a ballet to one who would wish it
Glorious practice spilling from a tiny sun
Yellowed cracks bend to caress the mouth
Beneath a dance for the ages

Then a flick and a sigh
With the curtains drawn, I rise and vanish
Perhaps the grass would deign to listen

I choose to look back at how far I have come
All those life lessons I was shown
Unaware of absorption until years later

The logic that lies as a blueprint now
Supporting the words I should spout
And the hands I may shake
Despite the horrid memories,
Despite the trials that every person may face
With a strong gaze and a solid stance,
One may feel just a little more ready
For the life awaiting at the doorstep

You were right, Dad
You were right, Mom
I didn’t want to listen
But somehow I did, to all of it
I listened and I learned
I learned to lead a life worth being proud of
I learned to believe in my own self-worth
And the self-worth of others

I look in the mirror
Just another face to a stranger
But I smile
In knowing
I’m just a little bit more than that
I am Jordan.

I am me.

So thank you, to everyone. Thank you for the memories, good and bad. Thank you for helping shape the person I have become. For anyone who has lent me a moment of their time, or years of companionship; thank you.

A left of pure chance, optimism for a place weary may rest
Each step cries with contact of stones and dirt
Last glimmer of sun
Nothing reveals beyond the beaten road
More trees, more distance
More trials of determination to a place on no man’s map

Lie upon dead grass, thorny weeds to stab me 
Crickets are chirping incessantly
The worst lullaby to my mind so paranoid
A moon should illuminate some hint of comfort
Hazy vision halts nightmares of vicious beasts

When the body does rise again, muscles are rusted
Bones crack ominously
A bed might comfort me soon, and if such
Grateful slumber might guide me to a restful eternity

Anyhow, I sent them this e-mail in attempts to pique their curiosity and incite a desire to perhaps come by and have some coffee with us. Who would not wish for an eloquent and philosophical discussion on the eradication of micro-pigs and predicted implications of a shortage of bacon for humanity?

—– To: Old Farm Apartments

In apartment ####, on the side of “The Crossing“, I was discussing the philosophical implications of reducing the average pig size to that of a micro-pig with my friend, and have realized that we have several problems on our hands.

1. The micro-pig yields far less bacon, also genetically modified. This shortage in bacon would severely depress the entirety of the planet. All micro-pigs must be erradicated.
 
2. Our apartment is in need of a few repairs. I e-mailed back a few weeks ago but failed to follow up so perhaps we can share the blame. It’s a party.

Our screen door has come out of its railing slot. In order to move it, you must pick it up and place it in the desired location.
 
Our dryer is basically crap. Maybe it’s in need of replacement or maybe something’s screwing with the hot air needed to properly dry clothes. Constantly wearing damp clothing has led to the most annoying sniffle epidemic in our household. Winter was terrible. Perhaps a fireplace could be put in place of the dryer? Basically, in order to dry a “large” batch of clothing, the dryer must run at least three cycles, on high heat. Now, heaven forbid you need towels or clean blankets dried. Those will run about five cycles. 

My roommate and I would be absolutely delighted if you could stop by and fix the screen door. Dryer is optional as we’ve elected to invest in thousands of clothes pins and string to deliver as a housewarming gift to the next occupant of our apartment. If you wish to pitch in, your efforts would be greatly appreciated.
 
Oh! And we move on April 30th. This e-mail is to prevent being charged with damages upon removal of our existence from your humble location.
 
I appreciate your attention and welcome any response, including but not limited to a discussion of ethical and efficient ways to eradicate micro-pigs.
Yours truly,
 
Jordan and Jennifer
####, The Crossing

And now… we wait.

I fear not of being forgotten

Goosebumps and tears come only at the thought
That I will be unable to rescue myself

Fingers will scrape and bleed, fruitlessly reaching
For a steady stepping stone out

Frail, unused muscles are quivering, sweat begins to bead
This helpless feeling results in more self-loathing

Than any fear of falling